I've come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with me. There is without-a-doubt some disorder I have which inhibits me from doing those things I know I should. It's almost like a fear of completion. I'm doing it right now actually. I should be finishing up my project due tomorrow at noon, but instead I'm perpetuating the cycle which I know will lead to my inevitable downfall.

You can call it ADD, ADHD, or any other acronym psychologists have in their bag of disorders, but whatever it is I'm sick of it. It's something that's bothered me my entire life and I want it to stop. Go ahead, give me a prescription, give me some pills, just give me something. I need motivation. I just hope I'm not looking for another excuse not to do something.

In other (old) news...my back and legs are still disfunctional. It's not a pain anymore though, although I did have a recurrence the other night which was most unpleasurable. It's a weakness, a general lack of muscle power, and a cold "tingly" sensation. My sense of balance is off and my right leg seems as though there's no strength to it whatsoever. I'm not going to lie, it scares me. I don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to stop it.

My biggest fear is an obvious one though, what does this mean for this summer? Am I going to be "healed" in time for move-ins or not? I would care less if this were any other year, but not the year I get to go to Europe, and not my age-out year. Summer's almost here, I am not ready.

I also have Lufts Disease.

I told you I was growing my hair out, mom.

MUSIC: Our Lady Peace - Happiness & The Fish