Last night I was at Jeff's house. Twas' a nice gathering of friends and whatnot along with some drinking of the sort. I however had nothing but water that evening, Scout's Honor. I leave Jeff's sometime around 1:00 A.M. and head South on Apple towards U.S. 40, cop #1 then appears.

As I turn right to head West on 40 I pass this first cop. Keep in mind I was doing or had done nothing illegal. The light was green when I turned, I had used my signal, and I was not speeding. I think to myself, "he won't turn around I'm fine." Then I look in my rear-view mirror and see what has to be the world's fastest U-Turn and watch as he increases his speed to catch up to me.

By now I'm thinking to myself, "Oh, wonderful, all I need right now is this guy..." This jack-off follows me, lights blaring at me through my rear windshield, all the way to the intersection at State Road 9 and 40. I signal that I'm going to make a left turn and come to a stop at the red light. He however doesn't get behind me, instead he pulls up on my right side as if he were going straight. Cue cop #2.

I'm sitting at the interstection waiting to go South on 9 and as I'm about to go out into the intersection cop #2 almost doesn't stop in time as he too is heading South on 9 across the intersection. The bastard stops at the red light about half-way into the intersection. But wait, now it gets good. This scare by cop #2 causes me to hesitate just a little as I'm turning. So I guess that's what allows cop #1 to go across the turning lane and continue to follow me. That's right, that fucker went out of his way and broke a traffic law just to keep pissing me off. Insert, cop #3.

Just when I think these guys don't have anything better to do with their time than patrol one square block at the same time, I have my theory validated. As I continue South on 9 I see yet another one of these bastards come out of nowhere and start heading North and watch as he passes me. All the meanwhile pig-o #1 is still riding my ass a good 6 inches from my back bumper. All I could think was "if this guy pulls me over ten feet from my house..." I would have hit him in his face, asshole.

However, I somehow manage to get my turn signal on and pull into my driveway before he inevitably pulled me over, and I'm sure he would have, jerk. I kind of wish he had so I could see him come up with an excuse for doing so. I wasn't speeding, I made all the correct signals, etc...And I hadn't been drinking. So if he had pulled me over on suspicion of that, the day would have been mine.

Whatever happened to Cops being the coolest people in the world when you were a little kid? Now they're all overweight rednecks with badges or young punks with buzz cuts who think they're tought shit because, hey, they're cops, and have badges. Bah! Sorry, as you can tell I'm a little upset about this. Nobody should have to be freaked out like that, dammit. They're Greenfield cops anyway. All they're good for busting high schoolers for drinking and getting blow-jobs from chicks who work at Lilly.

MUSIC: Brent's Fan Is Always, Always, On.