Needless to say I have grown up.....a little.....and toilets serve a much more (obvious) important purpose.

As we all know toilets come in all shapes and sizes. And for a span of about sixteen years this was a rather unspoken and unconscious fact unto myself. That is, until one day a fellow drum corps member mentioned to me an important (or really not so important) fact. We had both marched with a guy who happened to have the last name of Sloan. I don't know if you've ever noticed but Sloan is a brand of toilet commonly found in public restrooms. My fellow drum corps member told me that whenever he used a Sloan urinal, it reminded him of our friend. Well like any ridiculous thing worth remembering I happened to remember that.

You encounter a number of different toilets while on tour. Which of course not only increases your chances of coming into contact with some horrible bacteria, but also increases your brand awareness concerning toilets. The three most popular brands I've noticed include American Standard, Crane, and my favorite, Sloan. The first I believe I've seen more than any other.

The types of toilets you come into contact with (limited or unlimited) changes dramatically as well, generally more often for men than women. For men, we have several types of urinals. The most common type can be find in most public places, single one-person ceramics hanging a few inches off the wall. Then we have the trough urinal. These are found more commonly in bars and older schools. The oddest type of urinal I've ever seen has to belong to Ball State. In almost every dorm and every bathroom elsewhere you'll be able to find what appears to be a normal sized home-style toilet, with no seat but big enough to sit on, hanging a good foot and a half off the wall. Yes, it is as odd as you think it is.

But everyone's favorite has to be the Party Pooper, or more commonly known as the shameless shitter. These of course are toilets used to shit in that are purposely constructed without walls or any type of enclosure, hiding your shame from no one, hence the name. These toilets allow you to do one of two things. You could sit there and try as hard as you can to go unnoticed, and try to maintain some dignity you (think you) have left. Or, you can shout out each persons name as they walk by and try to draw as much attention to yourself as possible, short of throwing fecal matter at passerby�s...sometimes. I prefer the latter.

Quite honestly, the point of all of this was just to tell you that I�m constantly reminded of Sloan every time I take a piss. But like everything, it�s never quite that easy. Hopefully you�ll now think of me whenever it is you visit the john. Not my original intention either but hey if you want to think of me whenever you go to the bathroom, I give you my thanks.

MUSIC: Alkaline Trio - Burn