Before you ask questions, let me tell you the story.

Back in April I noticed one morning that the left half of my body was somewhat cold to the touch and rather "tingly." Not too much unlike the sensation you get in your leg once it has fallen asleep and is close to "waking up." Of course, this is not normal. Therefore, I made my way to the Ball State Health Center, where they know nothing, and thus recommended I go see a neurologist.

Enter Dr. Wulff, the doom bringer (only doing his job, seriously). At first, he has no idea either, and rightfully tells me so, then asks for $200. He does however request that I go have an MRI done on my brain. A few weeks later I return to his office, he tells me I have white spots on my brain and it's the first time I hear anyone mention MS.

More tests are to follow, up to and including everything from an HIV test to a Lumbar Puncture (that's a Spinal Tap to you) and then more blood work. And honestly Spinal Taps aren't all that bad. I wouldn't volunteer for one but they're fairly mild, so have no fear if you may have one in the near future.

Once again, I return to Dr. Wulff's office, this time with good news. My Spinal Tap came back clear (which, needless to say, alleviated some of the fear I, my father, and my mother who flew out from AZ were definitely feeling). Parenthesis are fun.

Clear means 90% of what typically shows up with MS was not there. So then, what else could it be? One of the blood tests done showed I had a high level of enzymes in my liver that shouldn't be there. Cue Dr. Sarah Thomas, the Rheumatologist in charge of testing me for Lupus and Hepatitis.

But wait! Before I go see her I notice my right arm has become somewhat numb, stiff, and heavier than usual. The "tinglyness" in my left side had subsequently gone away, come back, and then gone again. I think nothing of the stiffness till I notice swelling. And here we go with Emergency Room visit number one! They figure out nothing, morons. They give me a carpal tunnel splint...I leave after several hours of frustration.

And then things start to get fun. I wake up one morning around five a.m. and it feels as though someone has ripped my arm off. Yes, it really was that bad. Who are you to say otherwise? MRI #2, this one on my neck. The mystery sensations in my arm is solved. The white spots thought to be centralized on my brain are now also present in my neck. Turns out what they're doing is compressing the nerves there, causing my numbness and tingling.

I don't know if any of you actually know what a cold sweat feels like, but it is exactly that. You shiver, you get dizzy and nauseous, and you have icy cold beads of sweat drain from your pours. I'm not sure what really caused it, but I know as soon as I looked at the IV they were giving me mix with my blood it hit me like a ton of bricks. Most definitely something I would never want to feel again. Ha. (You'll get it in a little bit)

I arrived at 5:30 a.m. and I left at 2:30 p.m. with six new holes in my arms and legs, prescriptions for a tapering dose of prednisone, and vicodine. As well as a very, very lonely feeling.

Day of my introduction with Dr. Thomas, she decides she'd like to have some blood and urine. Seeing as how it wasn't going to be from the same place, I obliged. The urine was easy, the blood was something else...

I of course though that I would be heading back to the outpatient center at the hospital to have my blood drawn there, where it had been done so before. I was wrong. So, they take me to the back of the office where there are three nurses. One sitting at a computer, one labeling vials, and one with 10 vials bearing my name.

"That's a lot of vials..." - Me

"Yeah, it is..." - Nurse.

So begins the procedure. Around vial number seven I begin to feel it, the same sensation of a cold sweat I had felt in the emergency room. There was nothing I could do but pretend I was fine. Did I mention I was on an empty stomach? After vial nine the nurse says "One more and we're all done." By then I couldn't see straight and was beginning to freeze. I lean my head back real quick and bring it forward equally as quickly. Or so I thought...

The nurse sitting at the computer was now standing in front of me and mouthed what I thought was "Are you OK?" I can't hear a thing, so I just look at her and say "Yeah." as if I didn't know something was amiss. The nurse originally labeling vials had grabbed a wet washcloth and slapped that on my head, while the other nurse had taken a blue ice packet (the kind you keep in the freezer then place with your lunch to keep it cool) and stuck it down my shirt, and on my chest. That woke me up.

"He's starting to get some color back in him."

"What?"

"Yeah, are you feeling better?"

"Um, did I pass out?"

A collective "Yep!"

"Sweet."

And one more time, let's go see Dr. Wulff. By now I have my arm to deal with, and my right side has now decided to become tingly and warm to the touch, opposite of its left counterpart. Also, I feel a jolt down my back and side every time I have too look down. All of these things I still have with me now, mind you. So, remember the weird liver enzymes? They're gone, and we both agree that that's weird. But with everything else that's been going on, all signs put to MS. Yes, the Spinal Tap came back clear. However, he mentioned that within a year if I were to have to same procedure done, what should have shown up before would show up then. Fabulous, something to look forward to.

That's when the diagnosis came in. He recommended I begin the prescriptions needed also. Prescriptions which include an injection once a week into my leg. Prescriptions which also cost $2000.00 a month. Prescriptions which my insurance, will not cover.

Since my last visit, my leg has also gone awry. I have limited mobility with it, and am forced to walk with a severe limp. As per doctor's orders I informed Dr. Wulff of this who informed me I was to then have three half-hour sessions of the same IV I had on my first trip to the emergency room. My third session is tomorrow. The nurses have missed my veins twice. I have four new holes in my arm, including one in my hand, all bruised. My insurance will also not be covering these injections. And, there's only a 50/50 chance my leg can be helped. Meaning I could walk like this for the rest of my life.

Oh! I did get to see my heart. I forgot to mention Dr. Thomas wanted to have an Echo (think ultrasound) done on my chest for some reason. Everything was fine with that. The process did however blow my mind.

And so here I sit, with a weak arm, a weak side, a weak neck, and a weak leg. A shortened lifespan, and a tremendous amount of debt to go along with it.

But as God as my witness I will fight this piece of shit disease until I no longer breathe. I will not let it get the best of me, and I will not give up or ever give in. I have you, my friends, and my family. Without you I am nothing and with you I am everything. I love you all so very much.

I believe that's all. If I left anything out, or anything seems unclear feel free to ask. I'd be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. Right now I'm going to bed and am hopefully going to dream of everything worth dreaming of.

MUSIC: Coldplay - Everything's Not Lost